Swoony's — A Girl's Guide to Drinking Alone

215 Columbia St btw Union and Sackett Sts, Columbia Street Waterfront District

The Place: A new American bistro in Columbia Street Waterfront District that feels like your grandma decided to flip her quaint rustic farmhouse into a quintessential Brooklyn restaurant. And I say that with love.

The Time: Monday February 12, 6:45pm. I’ve developed a little tradition where, in addition to doing something fun with a romantic partner, I take myself on a date for Valentine’s Day. I’m a big fan of Cafe Spaghetti, so when I found out the guy who owns that opened a new spot down Columbia Street, I’m all about it.

The Vibe: Holy shit, it’s PACKED for a Monday. Every table is full and there’s only one seat available at the bar. It’s bumpin’ in here, and tbh I was kind of hoping it would be more relaxed than this so I could focus on my book about Machu Picchu. (Maybe there aren’t a lot of other restaurants open on Monday in the neighborhood so the locals come here? Idk.) Elevated rustic farmhouse is really the best way to describe the decor; like your grandmother transported her cute lil estate to brownstone Brooklyn and is enjoying a third career as a restaurateur. It’s not a huge place, but the antiquey bar area is in the front, with a dining room toward the back, and booths along the front and side walls. There are navy walls, Tiffany lampshades hanging from the stamped tin ceiling, and glass cabinets showcasing Grandma’s fine china collection. Some grandchild of the 80s is in charge of the playlist, because it’s just the hits (“Flashdance,” “Take on Me,” etc.), and I’m into this fun juxtaposition. The hostess leads me to that one available seat, and the woman to the left of it is really displeased that she has to move her bag. (Like, lady–this isn’t the Metro-North train where you put your bag on the seat next to you while avoiding all eye contact with everyone who walks by. It’s a bar.) I can’t get a good sense of the demographic in here, except I guess ALL of Columbia Street Waterfront District. Thankfully, though, it doesn’t seem like it’s just couples: Purse Woman is with a friend who keeps saying “I love that for you!” in a slightly condescending way; there are middle-aged white men wearing button-downs, wedding rings and Rolexes dining next to each other but separately; and the couple next to me is dressed to the nines, perhaps also celebrating an early Valentine’s. The man is enjoying the music so much, he continuously breaks out into falsetto and does a little air guitar in his lap.

The Bartender: A nice guy who’s maybe a little nervous? He keeps pacing and giving himself thumbs-up signs while scanning the bar. It’s kind of sweet, actually.

The Drank: I want a cocktail that fits this vibe, so I get the Casablanca, made of gin, sherry, vermouth and saffron in an adorable dainty coupe glass. It’s a delicious, light martini riff, though I’m not totally sure where the saffron is, but that’s okay. I guess I’m the kind of person who orders the house martini variation now. Maybe I’m not as immune to the trends as I thought. (No, I’ve just been influenced by the bar I work at and the power of Martini Time™. IYKYK.) As any decent bistro ought to, they must have a good burger because a lot of people are enjoying it. I opt for the tuna tartare, which is delicious. (Yes, this is my official coming-out as a pescatarian. No, I will not be taking questions at this time.)

Was I Hit On?: Nah. The only time I interact with another patron is when the bartender asks the air-guitar guy if he’s still thinking of having the short ribs as his entree. He makes a side eye to his wife and says, “uhh she hasn’t decided yet, so whatever she wants.” The bartender then says that he’s been married ten years and has found that the old adage, “happy wife, happy life,” really is the secret to a successful marriage. The husband says, “but what about my life” to no one in particular, and the wife says, “happy wife, happy EVERYONE,” then throws me a little smirk. Give this woman whatever she wants. (It’s the short ribs.)

Should You Drink Here Alone?: I’d say yes because the vibes are on point and everything is delicious. Next time, I’d come to Swoony’s on the earlier side, just so it meets the more laid-back environment I was initially seeking. But hey, I had a lovely time, a delicious drink and I still made it home in time for The Bachelor*. (I wish I knew how to quit you.)

*JK, I actually watched Hercules instead because I can’t deal with live commercials. Also I’m a woman in her 30s who can do whatever she wants, okay???